"Trauma comes back as a Reaction not a memory"
Bessel van der Kolk
A childhood filled with never knowing when the temperature was going to turn to rage - 200 blocks
Raised in a home lacking Empathy and Compassion - 350 blocks
Left alone for long periods of time at an early age -400 blocks
Held the role of Scapegoat in a Narcissistic home - 850 blocks
Never fit in under the weight of Shame - 1400 blocks
Father killed when I was 17, left to take care of a mother who was struggling - 1000 blocks
Survived daily verbal attacks from a grieving mother - 500 blocks
Raised myself - 50 blocks
Lost my husband to a work related accident with 3 small children - 5250 blocks
Worked in many toxic work environments - 670 blocks
Betrayed by colleagues - 100 blocks
Have you ever played Jenga? You know that game with all the wooden blocks that are stacked carefully and the players take turns pulling blocks out? If a player pulls the wrong block the tower collapses and the game is over. I was never good at this game because I was way too tense to strategically pull the blocks out. My focus was always on not "if" but "when" my move was going to collapse the tower. The list above outlines my list of Jenga blocks or all of the trauma wounds that I carried for 50 years.
Now imagine me, under the weight of those wounds bent over struggling to survive. In order to survive I threw myself into a workaholic pattern that would shield me from feeling those wounds. The harder I worked the less time I had to sit and reflect and walk my way along a healing journey. As I masked my weakness, something would happen; a Jenga block would be pulled out. That action would trigger my trauma wound so savagely that I would erupt in a state of rage, anger, violence or self sabotage. There were so many ways that my trauma rose to the surface and to be honest my trauma took no prisoners because hurt people, hurt people. It was never my intention to hurt anybody but when that trauma came to the surface I was blind to its's potential for damage. Over time I grew to be really good at ignoring those Jenga blocks and quietly pretending like everything was fine.
Unhealed trauma can be likened to a game of Jenga, where each block represents an event or experience that contributed to our trauma. These blocks are intricately stacked, forming the foundation of our emotional well-being and stability. However, unresolved trauma leaves these blocks vulnerable, and triggers serve as the gentle tug or removal of a piece from the tower.
When a trigger occurs, it's akin to removing a block from the Jenga tower. Initially, the tower may sway slightly, and we may experience discomfort or heightened emotions. However, if the trauma remains unhealed and triggers continue to occur, the tower becomes increasingly unstable. With each trigger, another block is removed, until eventually, the entire tower collapses.
Similarly, unhealed trauma leaves us vulnerable to triggers that can unravel our emotional stability and well-being. Each trigger eventuates in a reaction, whether it's anxiety, panic, anger, or dissociation, further weakening our internal structure. Without addressing and healing the underlying trauma, the tower of our emotional resilience becomes increasingly fragile, eventually leading to a collapse or breakdown.
My tower fell at the age of 51 and it gifted me the time to take a good look at the Jenga blocks of trauma that lay at my feet. In hindsight I know now that at the very bottom of that pit of blocks is where I became a different person. Its where I took back my life instead of letting my trauma rule my behavior. The analogy of Jenga highlights the importance of addressing and healing trauma proactively. By identifying triggers and working through the underlying trauma, we can strengthen our emotional foundation, rebuild resilience, and prevent the tower from collapsing. Healing trauma is not about avoiding triggers altogether but developing coping strategies and resilience to withstand them, ultimately fostering a sense of stability and empowerment in our lives. It is about changing our perspective to see the blocks that we carry and intentionally begin to unload the weight of our trauma wounds. Trust me the journey is so much better when we are free to move logically without that load.
Anastasia Jorquera-Boschman is a retired teacher, principal and educational consultant who spends her time holding space to heal others as a Trauma Informed Empowerment coach. When she isn't speaking, writing or gardening she can be found dismantling her remaining Jenga tower one block at a time.
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