Disclaimer: The following ideas are my own reflections and understanding after many months of research into Narcissism. I do not claim to be a psychologist, physiotherapist or Councillor so the following should not be taken as medical advice. Simply put, it is the collective thoughts of a trauma survivor turned Trauma-Informed Empowerment Coach who is searching for answers. Please feel free to consider my thoughts or leave them on the table.
“Understanding narcissism begins with realizing that it’s a deep-seated Insecurity
masked by Arrogance.”
This week I want to dive into the topic of narcissism because it is a word that is used frequently yet it is so very misunderstood. In an age of social media influencers and the open social discussions of trauma there have been many misrepresentations about what makes a narcissist. With a misusage of the word comes a misunderstanding of what it means to be a narcissist. Often people can have some of the same behavioral traits but not actually be a narcissist. If you are wondering what those behavioral traits are here is a list of common narcissistic behavior traits:
Grandiosity: Narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance. They believe they are unique, exceptional, and deserving of special treatment.
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists struggle to understand or care about others’ feelings. They may dismiss others’ emotions or needs.
Entitlement: Narcissists feel entitled to privileges, admiration, and attention. They expect others to cater to their desires.
Manipulation: They use manipulative tactics to achieve their goals, often exploiting others without remorse.
Attention-Seeking: Narcissists crave attention and admiration. They seek constant validation and praise.
Jealousy: They may feel threatened by others’ success and become envious.
Difficulty Handling Criticism: Narcissists react defensively to criticism, often becoming angry or dismissive.
I am not going to lie, this list gives me pause because I can see little pieces of my unhealed self hanging out on this list. In my unhealed stages of life I have shamefully lived fulltime on this list and possibly you have too. Maybe you might be looking at this list and swallowing down a teaspoonful of guilt about your own behavior patterns. Rest assured a healthy dose of guilt leads you to awareness which is the first step in breaking patterns of behavior that you don't want showing up as you. The key to determining where you stand with regard to this list is to remember these traits exist on a spectrum, and not everyone who exhibits narcissistic tendencies is a full-blown narcissist. It’s essential to recognize these traits to begin fostering future healthier interactions with the people you know.
Let's dive into this spectrum with our eyes wide open and with a sense of empathy for those who are at the farthest point of no return on the spectrum. I feel once you understand where someone is at it is much easier to disconnect an emotional reaction about their situation and see it for what it is. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a renowned expert on Narcissistic behavior suggests that it is impossible for a person diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) to change. The person that sits on that side of the spectrum doesn't feel the need to change. The fear and insecurities of being anything less than powerful and in charge doesn't allow for any vulnerability or empathy to consider others. Dr. Durvasula reinforces that those people diagnosed by a therapist with NPD can spend years in therapy and still never see the need to move forward and change their behaviors. To hear more about her ideas check out the following podcast; Signs You’re Dealing With a Narcissist (New Research From World-Leading Expert Dr. Ramani) I The Mel Robbins Podcast.
To understand this spectrum here's a simplified breakdown of the narcissism spectrum:
Healthy Self-Esteem:
Healthy self-esteem is characterized by a balanced sense of self-worth and confidence.
Individuals with healthy self-esteem value themselves while also respecting others' boundaries and feelings. Normal Narcissism:
Normal narcissism refers to occasional self-centered behaviors that are within a typical range.
People with normal narcissism may have moments of self-focus but are still capable of empathy and healthy relationships. Narcissistic Personality Traits:
This category includes individuals who exhibit more pronounced narcissistic traits, such as a need for admiration, entitlement, and a lack of empathy.
While they may function relatively well in society, their behavior can negatively impact their relationships and interactions with others. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD):
At the extreme end of the spectrum lies Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), a diagnosed mental health condition.
Individuals with NPD display pervasive patterns of grandiosity, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy, which significantly impairs their functioning and relationships.
In unraveling the intricacies of the narcissism spectrum, we embark on a journey of understanding that goes beyond mere categorization. It is a spectrum that spans from the realm of healthy self-esteem to the complexities of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). By comprehending this spectrum, we gain a lens through which to view our relationships and navigate the often challenging terrain of human behavior. In this spectrum, self-awareness becomes a compass, guiding us in recognizing the signs, setting boundaries, and fostering healthier connections. It's a reminder that empathy, understanding, and the ability to establish and respect boundaries are the cornerstones of robust and meaningful relationships. Ultimately, understanding the narcissism spectrum empowers us to reclaim agency in our interactions, fostering environments where authenticity and compassion can thrive.
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