I am fresh off of the snowshoes this morning. It is a warm day in March here on the lake and the entire hamlet is prepping for the annual ice fishing derby. Soon the ice will begin to melt away and the little shacks will be pulled off one by one and we can start to get ready for the migration of campers and tourists which will inevitably interrupt peaceful lake life. That's why I got up this morning and strapped on my snowshoes to venture out into the back forest of silence. The only noise was my friendly guide ravens and my thoughts. I tend to listen carefully when my thoughts get noisily obnoxious because it means that I have work to do in that area. Today I was brought back to the day I call the awakening that changed the trajectory of my life.
Six years ago I was struggling in a shame shit storm after I had blown up my life. I am not going to lie, ending what was left of my existence had crossed my mind several times. Endless days numbing out, in pyjamas, watching reruns of Degrassi Street for months on end. There had been so many hurtful accusations, betrayals and acts of aggression toward me that year I couldn't see the forest from the trees. I was caught in a mindset of the victim and everyone else was to blame for what had happened to me.
One afternoon, while digging in my garden I remembered that I used to come to my best ideas while walking on my treadmill. It seemed like a starting point, something to help me make sense of the shithole I was in. So I started and after walking for what seems like a distance that would put Forest Gump to shame I thought about the activity wherein you write out something that you wanted to give up and you burned it to release it. So that night I got out a large piece of paper and put myself in the middle. All around me I listed everyone and their actions that I felt had caused my downfall. I thought that If I wrote it out and made peace with it I would suddenly be healed. I hung that paper on the upright freezer that is directly in front of my thread mill and that day, as I walked, I attempted to make sense of all that had taken place. After staring at it for many days I got frustrated and at some point in my walking I just started to tell off those people on the paper. "Fuck you for turning your back on me", "fuck you for lying under oath", "fuck you for spreading a false narrative". An extra special "Fuck You" to a boss who had conspired against me. When I had told off everyone on the list I didn't feel any better in fact I got madder and then my eyes fell upon my name in the middle of the paper and I heard myself utter the final "And Fuck you too, for all the things you did". I got off the thread mill that morning exhausted but feeling different. I call it my "Pheonix Rising" moment because that is the day when my mindset moved
from victim to survivor. It was the moment when I realized that taking responsibility for the events in my life meant that I got to write the ending to my story. The saddest thing about that revelation is the fact that healing is simply switching your mindset about whatever you have suffered. Believe me when I tell you it is an act that could change your life.
Healing from trauma is a courageous journey that requires us to confront our deepest wounds and rewrite the narrative of our lives. For many of us, trauma leaves us feeling trapped in a victim mindset, where we see ourselves as powerless and defined by our past experiences. However, as we embark on the path of healing, we have the opportunity to shift our perspective from victim to survivor, reclaiming our agency and resilience. Let's explore how to make this transformation and embrace the journey of becoming a survivor of our own story.
The first step in moving from a victim mindset to a survivor mindset is to recognize that we are not defined by our past traumas. While our experiences may have shaped us, they do not have to dictate our future. It's about releasing the belief that we are powerless and acknowledging our inherent strength and resilience. This shift in perspective allows us to break free from the constraints of victimhood and take ownership of our lives.
As we embrace our survivor mindset, we cultivate resilience and empowerment in the face of adversity. Instead of seeing ourselves as helpless victims, we recognize our ability to overcome challenges and thrive in spite of them. We learn to trust in our own resilience and resourcefulness, knowing that we have the inner strength to navigate life's ups and downs. This mindset empowers us to set boundaries, advocate for ourselves, and take proactive steps towards healing and growth.
Central to the journey from victim to survivor is the practice of self-compassion and self-care. We learn to treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, recognizing that healing is a gradual process that requires patience and gentleness. By embracing self-compassion, we create a safe space for our wounds to heal and for our true selves to emerge. This allows us to let go of shame and self-blame, and instead, cultivate a deep sense of self-worth and acceptance.
Moving from victim mindset to survivor mindset is a powerful act of self-liberation and transformation. It's about reclaiming our agency, embracing our resilience, and rewriting the narrative of our lives. As we embark on this journey, let us remember that healing is not a linear path, and it's okay to have setbacks along the way. What matters is that we continue to move forward with courage, compassion, and a belief in our own strength. So here is my challenge to you: when you find yourself straining to see the forest from the trees I encourage you to embrace the journey of becoming a survivor of your own story and find healing, empowerment, and hope along the way. Now off you go into the great unknown of healing and possibility and rise out of the ashes like the Phoenix you were meant to be!
Anastasia is a retired teacher, principal and educational consultant. She spends her new existence speaking, writing and holding space for people's healing. On her off days you will find her seeking solace in the silence of the forest behind her home. It is in this space that she continues to unlearn a victim mindset and build resilience as a survivor.
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